THE DEVIL **************************************************************************** INTERVIEW WITH THE DEVIL **************************************************************************** After the interview with GOD in issue 3 of the D.B.A. magazine, we recieved a phone-call from HELL. This call was from the Devil and he asked me why we only had a interview with GOD and not with him( discrimation ). We didn't dare to make him angry, so we decided to do what he wanted. I was invited to visit HELL but i decided to this interview over the phone because maybe he never lets me leave HELL again( you just can't trust him ). I quickly made some questions for the interview and dialed the number of his H.Q..........( S=Slimer and D=Devil ). Dailing number: 666.........Tuuuut.......Tuuuuuttt......KLICK !! D: Who the HELL is it !! S: Eh it's me Slimer of the D.B.A. magazine, sir. D: Oooohhh it's you eh, well well you want to have a interview with me. S: yes, i would like that very much, sir ! D: Okay before we begin i want you to sign this paper, it has to do with copyrights on the interview. Fooeeshhh a big flame comes out of the air and a letter appears on the ground. S: well i like to read it first before i sign anything, because i don't trust you, sir ! D: Naaahhh you can trust me, it's only a paper to protect the copyright on the interview, don't bother reading it because the caracters are to small to read for you anyway ! S: The wheater is nice, don't you think !? D: Don't try to change the subject, sonny or i fry your ass ! S: Well, okay i sign it at the end of the interview, okay !? D: Fine, with me. S: Lets start the interview now, shall we.... What is your job exactly in the universe !? D: I sell and buy souls of people, it's a very good bussines but last week there was a crash on the soulmarket and i lost 10.000 dollars. It was a sneaky trick from GOD, he overwelmed the market with cheap souls from China and Japan !! S: Which souls do you prefer to buy ?? D: Souls from Criminals, Pirates, Swappers, Editors of cheap and worthless magazine's like yours ! S: Eeeh glupp, What is your favourite song !? D: It's running with the Devil from Van Halen and Highway to Hell (AC/DC). Wait a moment, sonny, i have got to take care of some bussines, i'm back in a minute............... Some music begins to play over the phone, while i wait.......... Yeah i'm a soulman........soulman......tthhe te teee tetet i'm a soulman yyyyyYYYeeeAAAHHH I'M A S S S SOULMAN tetetet.... D: Yeah, back on the hotline, next question please....... S: You've got a rather bad reputation ( to say the least )and i wonder does this bother you !? D: Ha ha ha ha ha, me a bad reputation, everyone i meet say's that i'm a very nice guy( when i hold them with their face in my big frying-pan ) ! S: You got many names like: Satan, Beast, Lucifer ect ect....... Which one do you like most !? D: HHHmmm let me think, i think it's Satan because it has a nice ring to it. Ouch, suddenly the phone becomes red hot and starts to burn. I manage to drop the reciever in time and i dive behind the couch ! The phone is burning, but their is no smoke........... AND THEN..........ffffGGGGGHHHHHHOOOOOOOOEEEEEESSSSSSFFFFF !! An ugly big red beast appears in my room, it has big wings and glowing eyes. It begins to speak: We of HELL proudly present you( music begins to play... soulman....soulman )the master of the universe, mister bad himself ( noo not Micheal Jackson )the one and only SATAN or Devil if you prefer !! The big red Demon spreads his wings and takes off right through my window. Craassshhhh !!! Now the ground begins to shake, all my electronic equipment explodes, chairs are flying through the room and the table is doing the Lambada with my ST. PPPPPPPpppppooooo......SSSSSHHHHH BANGGG !!!! An ugly looking horned creature appears in the room, it has the " legs " of a goat and a long red tale. D: Well, hi there Slimer, sorry for the mess but it's hard to control myself these days. He appears to be very friendly ( a bit too friendly if you ask me ). S: eeerrrmmm a hi' D: Well it's time for the next question don't you think, i thought i make a little visit it's always nice to talk face to face to a friend ! S: Ehh if you think so........eehh how old are you ? D: HHHMMmmm i really don't know, i must have forgotten my birthday but it shure seems like century's to me ! S: When was the first time that you encounterd GOD !? D: I was a sleep and i waked up by this BIG EXPLOSION, i saw a bloke all dressed up in white trying to create a universe. He had this huge rock and he blowed it up with a stick of dynamite and created lots of planets and stars and different liveforms ! He said to me: Do you wanna play ?? I'll be the good guy and you can play the bad guy ! D: That was a rather good idea because i was bored with this empty black space, so i said okay ! S: Interesting stuff, how do you became so ugly !? D: It all started when i was trying to interbreed a goat with some other animals, i used to much of my magical powers on those animals. There was a bright green and red flash and then it all happend. When i looked in the mirror i was totally amazed and i thought; this shure looks good on me lets keep it this way ! S: Ehh indeed it looks quite eehh amazing ! What are the best inventions that you have ever let a human create on earth ? D: Weapons and Alcohol, GOD was rather pissed off about that and said that i played dirty, so he let humans create the church ! S: Do you go to the church yourself ? D: What !! that's really a stupid question don't you think ? His eyes begin to glow and there is slime driping from his " moulth ". S: Yes, sorry but i'm a little bit nervous. D: You aren't afraid of me, eh sonny ? S: me, naaaahhhh, the next question, where did you get the number 666 from? D: The Telephone compagny refused to give me another number, they are real criminals but they are going to die just like any other human, so then they are mine....ha...ha...HA....HA.... S: What is your favourite computer ? D: It must be the ST or the new Falcon ! S: What do you think about Commodore ? D: RhhhaaaaAAAAA they all going to burn in HELL !! Now his eyes really begin to glow and he is calling some spells. Two enormous Demons appear on the scene, one of the Demons has an Amiga in his claws and the other an guy who looks like the owner of the machine ! The Demon with the Amiga is slowly crushing the machine and the helpless Amiga freak begins to cry and begs him to stop ! It is an really horrible and pathetic sight ! Ha...ha hahahahaha SATAN begins to laugh that's nothing compared with what i'm going to do to you little lamer ! Bring him to the frying-pan, he orders the two Demons ! The two enormous Demons take off, right trough my roof, Crasshh !! Eh, well i'll pay for the damage the Devil says, hahahahahah S: HAhaha.....glup, eerhhh now for the last question. D: yeah get on with it, i just can't wait to fry that Amigafreak ! S: They say that you never tell the trueth, is this really true. D: Nooo, i always tell the trueth, haheehheehehehhhaahahahahahahah Bye Bye sucker....... Music begins to play ( soulman........soulman ....etc ). BANG !! an explosion and the Devil is gone. An Demon appears and tells me to sign the paper ! I say no way, man !! The Demon yells, NOW or you will be real sorry........ Eeeehh okay, and i take a pencil that is lying on the ground and sign with an trembling hand the paper. Suddenly the little caracters on the papers get real clear, it say's that the Devil can't be held responsible for any damage that is caused by him or his Demons ! The Demon takes off, and i hear him laugh, hahahahahahaha T H E E N D